***About the Author

And the Oscar for the Best Scene Involving a Mascot goes to...

FULL NAME: Dave (can’t say anymore, I might owe you money…)

LOCATION: Known only to the Federal Witness Protection Program

CONFERENCE: Independent


  • 1970’s: My actual date of birth is unknown due to the imprecise nature of harvest and moon cycles in oral tradition.
  • 1980’s: A team of therapists have traced the genesis of my issues to overexposure to Bob Saget at such an impressionable age.
  • 1990’s: American popular culture and the American education system tag-teamed my fragile little mind.
  • 2000’s: Missed part of it in a bomb shelter, re-experience the rest of it during semi-lucid flashbacks.

RIVALS: Gravity; grammar and syntax; various local, state and federal laws; and too much blood in my alcohol stream.


  • Originality: (2) They don’t make ’em like me anymore.
  • Presentation: (1) It’s a 1.5 if I shower and put pants on.
  • Authenticity: (2) You can’t fake the funk.
  • Intimidation Factor: (0) I would embolden the author of “Diary of a Wimpy Kid.”
  • Political Incorrectness: (2) Eric Cartman is my muse.
  • TOTAL: (7 to 7.5) Not a bad assessment of myself, if I do say so myself…

4 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Randall A. Kent said, on October 2, 2012 at 13:13

  2. Gordon said, on August 14, 2012 at 13:53

    Where does the picture come from?

    • Dave said, on September 5, 2012 at 05:03

      Old School, a great American love story.

    • Lulu said, on March 8, 2014 at 15:59

      thanks, joa! kelsey had some ralely great ideas. then we kind of just let things happen and I captured them hanging out. it was a beautiful afternoon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: