Welcome to Advanced Mascotology
Advanced Mascotology? It’s a thinking man’s guide to the mascot battle, not the strategy your receptionist used to take down the office bracket in ’07.
Instead of just deciding, this beats that, and ending up with the #15 Stephen F Austin Lumberjacks sawing through the Orange, Buckeyes and Jayhawks to destroy your East bracket, I’ve added a couple of factors to level the playing field:
- Location matters. Even though tournament sites are neutral, the higher seeds usually end up closer to home. Advantage will be considered based on distance traveled and climate changes.
- Flip the seeds. Reverse the seeds of the two opponents, and that’s how many mascots will face off. For example: In 2010, the #1 Duke Blue Devils faced the #16 Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions. A Golden Lion conjures heavenly images, but it would take divine intervention to fend of 16 Blue Devils.
Is Advanced Mascotology for you? Well, not if you’re the office hoop head, comparing back courts and low post games to find that upset minded mid-major. It’s also not for the girl in accounting, who claims to watch Sportscenter while asking, “Ummm, which bracket are the Lakers in?”
No, Advanced Mascotology is for the rest of us; the masses who just want to know “did I win?”; the casual fan who doesn’t start watching Dickie V until the weekend before Selection Sunday; the guy wouldn’t be embarrassed to answer the exclamation, “You actually picked Northern Iowa?!” with, “Yeah, because even one panther would kick the $&!# out of any number of Jayhawks…duh.”
Get ready Mascotologists, to earn an advanced degree…